Loss and change can come in different forms, but one thing remains the same: it’s never easy. Sometimes loss comes in major life events that are forced upon you like death, disease, betrayal or tragic loss. These can challenge you to change—to look at what you truly want and at what really matters to you.
Other times, change comes as a still, small voice that whispers to you every day that there is more for you, that you are leading the wrong life, that you are playing small. Regardless of how it comes, the choice to change is left up to you.
According to the American Institute of Stress, some of the top stressful life events include:
- Death of a loved one
- Career transition
These periods bring up all of life’s most fearful thoughts. Fears about being deserving enough, accomplishing enough, fitting in or standing out, being alone, or asking for help. These are all the topics that are sure to come along with any large change, transition, or period of deep letting go.
If you have just made a big heart-driven change or find yourself in the midst of your own tragedy, here are nine ways to let go of fear and navigate change and transition.
1. Rest and Breathe
This technique sounds simple and, lucky for you, it is. During times of loss, transition, and great change, you must learn to slow down. Things that seemed easy at one point will start to take more effort and focus—and that is OK.
Ask the people around you to take some of the load from your daily tasks and help you adjust your schedule to get more rest. If you are having a hard time, people will probably tell you things like “This too shall pass” or “You can only connect the dots by looking back.” As much as you may think they don’t understand, they are right. Take time to breathe and honour yourself. The next thing will be waiting for you; you don’t need to run after it.
2. Make Uncertainty Your Friend
During transition, it is absolutely vital to surrender control and lean into uncertainty. That way, the more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure you can feel. This is often counter intuitive for people, but every great endeavour or creation has been sourced through uncertainty. When you embrace uncertainty, you embrace possibility, unravel past conditioning, and let go of events and circumstances that are no longer serving you. This is your pathway to freedom.
3. Acknowledge That Every End is Also a Beginning
If you are stuck in loss, in the fear of letting go, or in the overwhelming feeling of unwanted change, remind yourself that you may be at the end of something, but that you are also at the beginning. Something fresh and new is available and coming your way; find the gift in a new beginning presenting itself. Learn to embrace the cycle of creation (beginning) and destruction (ending) for it is the essence of life.
4. Be Present
Set an intention to become aware of your thoughts. Are they stuck brooding about something past or obsessively thinking about the future? Bring them back into this moment by fully immersing your senses into the task at hand. Whatever life is presenting you, seek to become absorbed in it, whether it’s:
- Doing laundry
- Going through paperwork
- Talking to a friend
5. Clear Out Your Elevator
This is a concept taught by life and career coach Martha Beck. She teaches that when you feel stuck in life, it feels like trying to fit into a packed elevator; it just doesn’t work. When you’re in a time of major loss or change, your elevator is crowded with thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve you.
Often during loss, change, or transition, primal fears about safety and survival are brought to the surface and can keep you from moving forward. It is not possible to force yourself into believing you are safe if you don’t actually believe it. But what you can do is get rid of your crowded limiting beliefs. If you can’t do it on your own, hire a coach to help you find and dissolve beliefs that are not serving you, so you can step onto the elevator and move on with your life.
6. Focus on Your Dreams
Stop feeding fears about what you don’t want and focus on what you do want. Use techniques to keep you focused on what you want to create next like:
- Vision boarding
7. Be Kind to Yourself
Resist the urge to beat yourself up or make yourself feel less than. When you experience loss or transition, you tend to dredge up every mistake you have ever made in the past or fear your abilities to weather the storm. You start to become your own worst enemy, which creates a downward spiral. Recognise that none of this negative self-talk has any truth. Go back and practice #4 to stay in the present.
8. Embrace Your Emotions
When you endure a loss, there will be an urge to stay strong and push through, perhaps for others or sometimes simply for your own sake. At times, this urge will serve you well, but recognise that you must also take time to be with the emotions that are coming up. Emotions exist to be felt.
When you allow this time for yourself and allow feelings to arise, they have the space to be processed and moved through the body instead of getting locked in your cellular memory only to create more pain later on. Embrace your emotional process and once you feel the inevitable sense of relief, which comes from processed emotions, share your experience with someone you love.
9. Check In With Your Sense of Freedom
If you are going through a period of self-driven heart transition, it can be difficult to make decisions. You may fear if you are making the “right” or “wrong” decision and lack complete confidence in your ability to navigate this transition. This keeps you from letting go or from making changes that must be made.
Fear comes along with any heart-driven change. However, the best test for whether or not to move forward on a decision is to check in with your sense of freedom. If moving forward with the decision or situation feels heavy, like someone has put chains on you, it generally is best not to move forward. If you are scared or nervous, but underneath that decision makes you feel like someone has taken the chains off of you, you can be sure it is the right decision.
It is said that the only thing unchanging is change itself. Everyone goes through times of transition and change, and you will face your own unique challenges on that journey. You are never alone. Let this list serve as a resource on your path. And don’t forget, if you need additional support, reach out to trusted people around you. And always continue to follow your heart with grace and ease.